He said my BPD gave him anxiety.

At first, it was fun.
Flirty. Chill.
He liked my vibe. I liked his attention.
And even though I told myself not to get too into it - I did. That always happens.

But when you have BPD, getting close to someone isn't "just talking."
It's calculating every text.
It's trying not to seem needy when your brain is screaming that they're pulling away.
It's being self-aware and reactive at the same time.
It's a mental war between "please love me"
and "I know you're going to leave."

And then he posted that reel.
"When she says 'lemme syd' (lemme support your dreams) so I just chuckle and say 'lemme eyp' (enjoy your presence) on some chill shi."

To him, it was nothing. A joke.
To me, it felt like a confirmation of my biggest fear:
He never took me seriously.

That's when I split.
I took him off snapchat. I needed to detach before I broke down completely.

The next day, he texted me: "What happened?"

So I tried, I explained. I told him about the split. About how my brain spirals when I feel unwanted or unimportant.
He seemed okay. I added him back.

But as the days went on, the shift happened again.
That quiet emotional distancing. That weird vibe. He started acting different. And I felt it in my gut.

So I did the adult thing. I asked for some communication. I said something along the lines of: "I just need some consistency, a little clarity. I feel like I'm going crazy trying to guess what you're feeling."

His reply?

"Tbh... your BPD gives me anxiety. My ex had it too. I just want to keep things chill, light, flirty, and drama-free."

And that... that hurt.

Because that's when I knew it was over.
Not because he said it directly, but because he didn't see me.
He saw a diagnosis. A warning sign. A red flag with feelings that he calls drama.

So I told him: 
"I can't do that, I'm sorry. I wish you the best."

And then I removed him. From everything. For real this time.

People always say "you're not too much" - but in real life, that's not always how it plays out.
In real life, "too much" is what people call you when you ask for basic emotional safety.
In real life, they like you until  they learn what you carry.
And then suddenly, it's "I just want to keep things light."

No one wants to say it out loud, but I will:
it sucks to be someones emotional inconvenience.

I'm not mad at him. I'm just tired.
Tired of being honest and still losing.
Tired of sensing it coming and still hoping I'm wrong.
Tired of being "cool enough to talk to" but "too intense to actually care about."

So yeah. I split.
But this time I also chose peace.

We're not impossible. We just feel deeply and love hard and need communication that doesn't scare people.

That's not drama. That's just being real.

- Em (borderlinewithwifi)