Let me preface this by saying:

I don’t go to therapy consistently. I ghost therapists like they’re exes I regret texting. But, somehow I did manage to absorb some actual DBT skills – and surprisingly, they sometimes work.

So here’s a rundown of the DBT tools I actually use, the ones I pretend to use, and the ones I want to set on fire.

1. Opposite Action

When my brain says “burn it all down,” I… try to do the opposite.

Like:

• Want to isolate? I text someone
• Want to rage post? I open Notes app instead… or start a blog.

Sometimes I even go outside, which I think is legally considered “healing.”

Success rate: 6/10

Emotionally exhausting? Yes. But better than jail.

2. TIP Skills (Temperature, Intense Exercise, Paced Breathing)

These are distress tolerance tools for when your brain is on fire and your body thinks you’re being chased by wolves.

What I actually do:

• Stick my face in cold water like a dramatic mermaid
• Do jumping jacks in my room like I’m being punished by a PE teacher
• Breathe slowly while telling myself “you’re not dying, it’s just Monday”

Do they help? … annoyingly, yes.

3. STOP Skill

Stop. Take a step back. Observe. Proceed mindfully.

Sounds simple, but feels like trying to do a ballet routine mid-breakdown.

Still, this one helps when I want to impulsively text “never mind forget I existed” to someone who just took 7 minutes to respond.

Success rate: 4/10, but climbing.

4. Radical Acceptance

a.k.a. Accepting things that suck and you can’t control them.

Not liking it. Not agreeing with it. Just… accepting.

Example:

Yes, they did leave you on read. Yes, you’re spiraling. No, it doesn’t mean you’re unlovable forever.

Radical acceptance is what lets me sit in the chaos without self-destructing. (Most of the time.)

What I Still Suck At:

• Mindfulness without zoning out
• Interpersonal effectiveness (aka, not burning bridges)
• Emotion regulation when the emotion is “rage-filled panic”

Final Thoughts

DBT isn’t a miracle, but it’s a survival kit. And the more I practice, the more I realize: I don’t have to be fixed – I just have to find ways to function that don’t wreck me.

If you’re using DBT skills (or ignoring them in favour of chaos), feel free to drop your favourite coping tool – or unhinged alternative – in the comments.

Until then, I’ll be breathing, cold – plunging, and radically accepting my need for validation.

– Em (borderlinewithwifi)