Therapy-ish Thursday

So here’s the thing:

I am trying to heal.

But also, I don’t want to open my inner child wounds at 10am on a weekday.

Like yes, I know I need to regulate my nervous system, but also I’ve had one mildly triggering interaction and now I have to lie face down in bed for 4-6 business hours. That’s just the math.

Lately, I’ve been in that weird mental health limbo where I’m “self aware” but still actively doing the thing I know is harmful. I’ll be mid-split like:

“This is cognitive distortion.”

continues spiraling anyway

That’s the therapy-ish part. The almost. The “I could unpack this in a healthy way… but I’m going to dissociate instead and send three cryptic texts.”

A Short List of Things I Know Thanks to Therapy:

• I catastrophize because my brain is trying to protect me
• I fear abandonment because I was abandoned
• I sabotage closeness because it feels safer to be alone than to be left
• I’m not crazy, I’m just wired for chaos and craving safety at the same time

Cute. Insightful. Incredible work, honestly.

Now if only I could apply it in real time instead of two days later while journaling like a dramatic victorian orphan.

A Win is a Win

This week I:

• Caught myself before sending a spiral text #progress
• Journaled instead of trauma dumping (mildly against my will)
• Made a boundary and only spiraled about it for 45 minutes afterward
• Took a shower (Olympic level win)

Healing is never pretty. It’s not some highlight reel or breakthroughs and Pinterest quotes. It’s realizing you’re repeating a pattern in the middle of repeating it. It’s getting sick of your own shit – gently.

So yeah. I’m in therapy-ish mode.

Doing the work… kind of.

Healing… messily.

Existing… barely.

But I’m here.

What’s your therapy-ish win this week? Even if it’s not texting your ex or taking your meds with something that’s not an energy drink. I see you.

-Em (borderlinewithwifi)